Journal, it's been a long hard trek over these past couple of weeks. I've seen it all, seen shit that would make you turn white. Yesterday, I was forced to kill my very own mother. She was the only one close to me through this whole thing. The last of the survivors when we left our place so long ago. All it took was just a scratch from one of those things that did her in. It wasn't long until I saw her slowly die before my eyes.
I remember running out of my apartment that day. The news was talking of this so called epidemic and plague that was flying through the air like madness. It wasn't long until it hit our small little town, a place I thought we'd always be safe from any epidemics or natural disasters. But the madness spread like wild fire in the streets. One local after the next was bit or scratched and spread the infection. These crazy locals made it up to my house. It started with one, but before I knew it, they multiplied like rabbits in heat.
They went for the windows and doors first. It's a good thing we live in a two story house to keep them down a little bit, but once one of them knows that their is meat inside; they all come for the feast. It's funny, you grow up watching films like that with that same scenario. You look at the chararacters who either act helpless or stupid, and all you can say to yourself is "freaking idiot, just get the chainsaw and kill them." Well, it's a totally different story when you see the living dead walking up your doorstep aching to eat the flesh off your bones.
I felt that when I saw them come, when they hunted down my family in the streets and even when I fought them off my mother. Watching something and experiencing it are two totally different things. I would have never thought I'd experience Armageddon and combating myself against an army of the undead.
What film experience I did had and common knowledge of the zombies, it's obivious that you have to go for their head. I'd seen too many people on the streets shoot them in the arms and chest but the zombies wouldn't stop. Dear God man, just shot the bastards right in the head. But, it his hard when you first experience them. Well all you want to think is that perhaps they are just innocent people that are mentally sick and think of you as something else - food. You can't reason with them, nor do you truly want to hurt the - especially if you knew of them from the past life. You just can't go and hit your best friend or brother in the head, your insticts fight against you. You still hold that slight piece of morality and disbelief that *perhaps* they're faking it, or just a little crazy. I had to go through the scenario plenty of times to kill my loved ones when I knew they're finished.
You're pretty much dead once your bit or scratched, that's it - your death is sealed at that point.
I saw it with my Mom, when I spent most of my time looking out for her around every turn. Hoping to make it through this Apocalypse with the last loved one I had left. But sometimes, fate is unavoidable. I must have been put on this Earth to suffer, and I saw that when I had to kill my own mother by cutting her head off from her shoulders. So horrific, especially watching her give you that look in your eye just before the blade met her neck. All I could say was "I'm sorry" or "I love you" who really knows, it happened so fast I still want to avoid it and drown it out. It's why I'm just trying to waste my cries and emotions onto this paper. Perhaps after I become one of these things, the next survivor will feel my pain and learn from it. In the mean time, I hear some gun fire below me; perhaps the cavalry has finally arrived. Or maybe it's some other fighters I can team up with. Either which, I need to forget about my suffering, and continue to fight for my life.
Best regards my friend,
Bo
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