Transformers 2: revenge of the fallen (ooh Megan Fox runs a lot)!

Yeah, I know the subtitle is cheezed - but what else do you want from me? Lemme throw it out to all of you right now, I have been a DIE HARD Transformers geek for probably the past twenty to twenty-five years now. If the Star Trek geeks are called Trekkies/Trekkers....

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen (movie Review)
My movie review of the lackluster blockbuster by Michael Bay. Chop full of explosions, gun fire, running, chases and an over abundance of CGI.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1892922/transformers_2_revenge_of_the_fallen.html

How to be a Sidekick: A how-to guide in the world of super heroes

How to Be a Sidekick: A Fictitious Pamphlet on Helping the World of Super Heroes
This is a funny little "how to" guide on the world of being a side kick for a super hero. There are a lot of inside jokes on the world of super heroes.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1892960/how_to_be_a_sidekick_a_fictitious_pamphlet.html

Long Live the King - a tribute to Michael Jackson

Long Live the King - a Tribute to Michael Jackson
A final farewell that we all need to think about, did this man deserve our accusations, or were there just a bunch of parents hoping to cash in on him? And what do we do now without him? How many of us should feel bad?
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1882488/long_live_the_king_a_tribute_to_michael.html

When Loves Collide

The clock has struck twelve a full moon's light acts a spotlight of detection on scum in the streets, the
streets flicker with the lights of neon signs and the only sounds are the hustle and bustle of drunkards and runabouts leaving the dance clubs and bars to get back home for work early tomorrow. One of such in this group is David, a visiting tourist to Sammraim with his good friend Charles. They originally came to this city from rumors that the girls in this place were fast and easy and they wanted to find that fact out first hand (or mouth or any other orifice for that matter)..

When Loves Collide
This story is a parody of "Romeo and Juliet," but it involves two feuding mobs of vampires and werewolves. It's horror movies, the Godfather and West Side story all rolled into one! :D
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1888316/when_loves_collide.html

"When there is no more room in Hell, the Dead will walk the Earth"

October 31, 2005-

Dear journal, Today I write to you because I can remember how special this holiday used to be years ago. All of the fun of dressing up and pretending to be something you weren't just for one night- those days are over. There is no longer imagination, just a dark glimpse of reality....


"When There is No More Room in Hell, the Dead Will Walk the Earth"
One of my original zombie journals that I wrote. This one is from the perspective of one of the special operatives agents that you would see in the beginning of the original Dawn of the Dead.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1888348/when_there_is_no_more_room_in_hell.html

Welcome to the Slaughter House

NARRATOR: "Yup, there she is alright, the old Michaels sign, not too many people still alive today can tell you what it means, with so many new owners always coming around. Legend has it that a civil war hero by the name of General Michael Arsncraft established this farm as a ways to end his bloody massacring of the war. But no one could really tell you what it means since the days of legends are gone."

Welcome to the Slaughter House
When I worked in retail for five years, I saw a lot of drama and backstabbing just to get more hours at work. This is my story, told through the animal's point of view, somewhat similar to the story of "Animal Farm" by George Orwell.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1888364/welcome_to_the_slaughter_house.html

Not another Groundhog Day parody

5:30 AM is when my alarm clock tells me it's time to get my ass out of bed, this Tuesday morning I was awoken with the annoying melodies of the Eagles' "Hotel California"; I hate the Eagles so much. I have one hour from now to get ready to go to work so I hop in the shower; whereas I
find out my dad has used up all of the hot water. I jump out style up my hair and put my contacts in; but little did I know that my right contact had a rip in it and it ended up causing me grief and pain. "Now I have to walk around all day with one contact in", I thought to myself....


Not Another Groundhog Day Parody
Yeah, I rip off the concept from Groundhog Day, but what would you do if you got to relive the same day over and over. The main person in my story suffers the same dilemma.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1888572/not_another_groundhog_day_parody.html

The Tobacco Apocalypse

The time period of this story at first takes place right around the dawn of a new millenium. In order to encourage smokers from damaging themselves any further, the American government has dramatically raised the price of cigarettes. This of course completely out raged many smokers...

The Tobacco Apocalypse
A fantasy tale where jacked up tobacco prices cause a chain of events that plummets the world into a civil war. Now a small band of survivors must find an ancient relic to save their land.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1888596/the_tobacco_apocalypse.html

A golden age of comedy: looking back at the work of the Three Stooges

Is it true, that the Three Stooges have been around for nearly three quarters of a century and their timeless antics still prove to be as comedical as they did when Columbia originally released their shorts in the theaters so long ago? How they've
delighted nearly up to a fourth generation of fans and they're still going strong. From eye gauges, slaps and the immortal creators of the pie fighting- the Stooges will live on forever.

Starting in the early 30's, after headlining at Vaudeville acts, the family of the Howards came together and finally got a great deal with Columbia to do a number of shorts that would be shown all throughout movie theaters all across the country. Do children and young adults, their antics proved to be hilarious.....

A Golden Age of Comedy: Looking Back at the Three Stooges
I have analyzed the work of the Stooges and their impact on the entertainment industry for the past seventy-five years.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1883624/a_golden_age_of_comedy_looking_back.html

Humpty Dumpty's Iron Curtain

ACT 1:

The scene opens with a wildly extravagant ballroom decorated with hanging tapestries, uniquely designed mosaic floor and paintings of previous rulers. Portraits of the royal blood line known to all of Dumptydom's as Humpty Dumpty. It's now the thirteenth heir to inherit the throne and
King Humpty is about to deliver his ever-proclaimed word to his people of Dumptydom.

KING: "Ah, my royal subjects, today will be a glorious day for all of Dumptydom".

(The King's most trusted advisor and man, Sir Reginald, comes forth out of the crowd of Humpty's finest horses and men)....


Humpty Dumpty's Iron Curtain
Humpty Dumpty rules his kingdom but his dreams for a future will be under mined by his own subjects.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1883734/humpty_dumptys_iron_curtain.html

Bat Battle

Finally got the little brat to sleep. I would never have guessed my little seven-year-old sister Joanna would be so scared of an old 80's horror movie. I mean it was a bad 80's horror movie on top of that. I could never have imagined that a movie like "Bats from the Planet Death" could
actually scare someone; it was one of my favorites as a kid. But the worst is finally over, my parents are still going to be gone for all night, so I figure to take advantage of it.....

Bat Battle
While trying to relax after a night of babysitting and drinking beer, one man must save his little sister from three vampires bats while saving his own dignity as he is disrupted from watching an adult flick.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1883778/bat_battle.html

The Quest to be a Real Girl

(For Pinocchio, and Everyone Else Who No Longer Remembers Fairy Tales)
"The Quest To Be A Real Girl"(For Pinocchio, and everyone else who no longer remembers Fairy Tales)

My Uncle Giovanni.

The man who whittled me out of a block

Of metal was swallowed

By the Lochness Monster.

To repay him

I'll save his life.

Then the Pink Princess will grant my wish-

To be a real
girl.......


The Quest to Be a Real Girl!
A tribute and an original poem to some of the greatest fairy tales of all time. I just thought it was funny how no one can remember their stories correctly anymore. Can you spot the legendary mistakes?
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1883816/the_quest_to_be_a_real_girl.html

And the Dead rose from the Jesey Shore

Mike Taylor and his girlfriend Tiffany Titface are taking a peaceful and romantic stroll down the Jersey shore's beach. For the most part this part of the beach is private and secluded from the other filthy drug needle infested parts
of Jersey. Seagulls fly over their heads as some float down to peck on one of the Jersey's mob's former family member. The really only other people on this beach happen to be nude, enjoying their naturalist rights. The waves smack on to the sand, the tiny little bubbles pass under Mike and Tiffany's toes, oh that tingling feeling. Mike looks up to the sky and sees the blistering December sun beating down upon his face, his lips and nose are starting to get chapped and he knows the only cure for that is some tender loving from his woman......

And the Dead Rose from the Jersey Shore
A couple is taking a romantic stroll along the Jersey shore and something comes down from the sky. It causes a traumatic mutation on the occupants that want to destroy our heroes. Will they make it out of Jersey alive?
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1883850/and_the_dead_rose_from_the_jersey_shore.html

A Star Wars Sestina

"A Long Time Ago"

The voyage of this Hero, a boy named Luke.

To fight peril and save the Princess Leia.

To bust her out of the Death Star he needs the aid of Han,

His ship the Millenium Falcon and it's co-pilot Chewbacca.

Luke needs the wise and tactful training of Obi-Wan

And his shimmering blue light saber. Clashing with Darth
Vader

A Star Wars Sestina
I pretty much cover the original Star Wars trilogy in the form of a sestina poem, which is basically using six line stanzas.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1883858/a_star_wars_sestina.html

The Undead that was Chosen

An evil young man finds himself in a humongous black closed off room. He can hear the echo of his breathing yet no air is brushing him.

"HEY!? Where the Hell am I?," Bruce questions himself.

He stumbles around, feeling the edges of the walls, looking for a way out of this trap. He can't remember why he is here, or what he's doing here; all he knows is that he wants out. He claws at the walls like a coward in the darkness, ripping at them hoping they would have the texture of
wall paper so he could get out. Eventually the clawing does Bruce no good. He feels his fingernails grinding down to the bone against the stone surface, if he sees them, he's sure he's leaving smears of blood where his fingertips touch on the wall. He can feel the burn in the darkness.......

The Undead Who was Chosen
A terrible man must pay his dues for all of his crimes during life. Now as an Undead, he wanders the streets to save the day in order to get out of purgatory.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1883902/the_undead_who_was_chosen.html

The Autobot Massacre of 2005 (a poem)

The Autobot Massacre of 2005
I took some of the memorable scenes of the 1986 classic animated movie of Transformers the Movie. The poem is told from the human point of view of Daniel Witwicky.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1883872/the_autobot_massacre_of_2005.html


Among the stars they fight

For millions of years. A civil war.

The Autobots and the Decepticons.

Two sides of one species: Transformers.

More than meets the eye.......

How to Deal with Death for the first time: my memoir of it's first encounter

How to Deal with Death for the First Time
These are my accounts and memoirs of a harsh time of dealing with Death for the first time. Somewhat of a How-to guide, and somewhat of a creative and emotional piece of writing.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1882984/how_to_deal_with_death_for_the_first.html

How to Mash Potatoes with your Mom

How to Mash Potatoes with Your Mom
Kind of like a recipe for mashed potatoes, but also mainly my memory as a small boy hanging out with my mom. Helping to make dinner and feeling so much love.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1857603/how_to_mash_potatoes_with_your_mom.html

The Skinny Person's Guide to Eating Like a Fat Kid

The Skinny Person's Guide to Eating like a Fat Kid at a Buffet
Ever wondered what the correct etiquette for dining at a buffet restaurant is? Well, I took an almost satirical look at the world of buffets, including some tips that new comers wouldn't know of in the buffet world.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1854741/the_skinny_persons_guide_to_eating.html

Confessions of a Third Year teacher

Confessions of a Third Year Teacher: Life in the Art Room
A teacher's log, gripping about what goes on in the school, society and in the classroom. Politics in the district - what do you guys think of how things are run?
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1855625/confessions_of_a_third_year_teacher.html

Marvel Ultimate Alliance video game review

Marvel Ultimate Alliance: Look at All of the Costumes that I Can Unlock!
A review of the very awesome Marvel Ultimate Alliance game for the XBox 360; a great deal and be prepared for it's sequel in a few months.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1855687/marvel_ultimate_alliance_look_at_all.html

How the world would be better without super heroes

How the World Would Be Better Without Super Heroes
This article primarily focuses within the fictitious DC universe of comic books. Is it bad to have super heroes live with us in society? Are they just as dangerous as the villains? This, is a nerdy expose.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1855583/how_the_world_would_be_better_without.html

This is my analysis on the world of super heroes and super villians. Would the world be better without them? Or do we take for granted having a hero in a city comes with a price to pay? Click the link to check it out!

Getting back into wrestling: One boy's love, hopes and dreams about the Professional wrestling business

Getting back into Wrestling

I gave up on wrestling (from here on out will be called ‘rasslin’) years ago. There was a time where I even thought I was going to become a professional rassler. I even had my own gimmick picked out (was going to be called the Cobra Commander, due to a love for G.I. Joe, and my finishing move I used to put on my siblings when I wrapped my legs around their rip cage like an anaconda – hence the title the Anaconda Squeeze.) Yeah, you heard me, I wanted to become a professional rassler.

During my latter half years in high school, professional wrestling was in what I believe is now known as the third golden age of wrestling. The first age was in the black and white days on television, where they would actually post the results of matches in the newspaper. Well, that was until someone blabbed about how fake it was to the newspapers. The second age was what I grew up in, during the 80’s when Hulkamania was running wild and down South (something I unfortunately didn’t grew up with, the NWA showcased the likes of Dusty Rhodes and the Four Horsemen). But the third age was probably the most economical. The Monday Night Wars where a wrestling fan would watch TNT at 8, switch to WWF at 9 and then go back and forth until the shows were over.

Like I said, I grew up in the 80’s with wrestling. It was something that I started to stumble upon as a kid. I would watch my father watching it, who, he himself, was a life long wrestling fan up to that point. I would watch his head rise and crash as it followed the titans of the squared circle if they were body slammed or suplexed out of the ring. It is still actually quite entertaining and cute in a certain manner, to watch a grown man regress to such childlike qualities of bobbing his head all about watching something so fake as rasslers. So, I really had no idea on what was going on, so I would so innocently ask, “So who is the good guy?” As to which my father would reply without even glancing at me since he was so glued to the Saturday Night Main Event – “Oh, the guy in the red shorts.” “Oh that’s cool, can I watch?”

It must have been Saturday Night Main Events, WWF on the old USA network on possibly some of those showings on NBC in the 80’s, but I remember eventually getting closer with my father and watching wrestling. I believe when I first started watching, it must have been right around when I was in the second or third grade. Hulk Hogan just won back his belt from “Macho Man” Randy Savage at Wrestlemania V. I was instantly able to draw connections between wrestling and comic books. You had good guys, bad guys, silly storylines, weaknesses, banters back and forth and probably one of the most entertaining was the colored commentary by Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby “the Brain” Heenan that would lead you through a match, but I saw them as the captions in a comic book. I think this is shows how many comic fans enjoy wrestling, and why my buddy Dave used to claim that wrestling, comic books and metal are considered “the triple crown of sexiness.”

Whenever I get into something new and nerdy – I need to know everything there is about it until I reach a point of excessive obsession. I went to the local video store and rented every video that I could get related to previous matches and pay per views. I was able to memorize the title changes of the heavyweight, intercontinental and tag team championship belts from the past ten years. I got a subscription to WWF magazine, cutting out pictures ( I even carried around a rather coveted Hulk Hogan folder that even showcased clippings of Suburban Commando and No Holds Barred from newspapers), collected all of the action figures (along with my sister Jackie and brother Joey who were also getting sucked into the wrestling hype) and my dad even scored us tickets to the Royal Rumble at the Pepsi arena in Albany – totally awesome.

I was sucked into wrestling and absolutely loved it. Hell, I even watched the crappy wrestling on the weekends just to get my fix. But over time, I began to lose my faith. The first stab in the heart was when Hulk Hogan lost to the Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania VI. I couldn’t believe that “the immortal one” could be defeated. My world was crushed, but when I got older, I had heard it was the WWF’s plan to get a new “main champion” and a way to give Hulk a break and hopefully some retirement for his terrible acting career. It didn’t last long because the Ultimate Warrior sucks and can’t hold an interview besides screaming, rambling and shaking of the ropes.

Time went on and I assumed that wrestling was only meant for little kids. As I got older, it didn’t seem to be as real anymore and even more gimmicky. Hogan got his ribs crushed by that fat guy Earthquake, but was still trying to focus on his acting career. In the mean time, they tried to plug the heroes of the 90’s to pick up the Hulkster’s slack. Shawn Michaels, Bret “the Hitman” Hart, The Undertaker, Yokozuna and yes, even the short lived Narcissist (Lex Luger). Wrestling lost it’s edge and one of the last matches that I can remember watching and throwing in the towel was when The Mountie shocked Rowdy Piper with his tazer/cattle prod, only for Rowdy to reveal to the crowd he was wearing a rubber/foam suit under his shirt. OH THE RIDICULOUSNESS!

By this point I had moved on to greener pastures. I would feel that wrestling was at all time down low. I moved onto nerdy things in life throughout middle school, like Transformers and into my early years of high school like video taping cartoon shows, cataloging my Star Wars collection, creating a wall of “What If… “and “Transformers” comic books and action figure collecting. I thought wrestling was just for kids, a cartoony drama with muscular guys. One Monday night I was flipping through the channels, I stopped on TNT because I saw that Hulk Hogan was on screen, yelling into the microphone and playing a total bad guy. I never thought such a thing was imaginable, then I noticed that he was there with two other wrestlers from my past Hall and Nash – but I remembered them as Razor Ramon and Big Daddy Diesel. Hulk Hogan had just recently became a bad guy, as this show “Nitro” that I came to know it, consistently showcased highlights from weeks of previous matches. They had this group of wrestlers called the New World Order, and nearly every other week, another wrestler from my childhood joined their ranks. It was SO cool, a whole group of bad guys banding together to single handedly dominated a wrestling organization.

I was getting back into it – there storyline was a simple one to follow, and their frequent recaps could get any fan back into the groove of things. It felt VERY comic booky – on one side, you had all of the bad guys binding together and taking out any in their path. You were either with them or against them – sometimes, they would even take out one of their own (poor Brutus the Barber Beefcake) to prove no one was safe. All of the heroic wrestlers turned to one man to aid them in their defeat, Ric Flair– it was truly feeling like a huge crossover book like an Infinite Crisis where all of the villains teamed up and all of the heroes teamed up for a common goal.

In a gruesome steel cage match Ric Flair and his Four Horseman were going up against the N.W.O. In a seedy moment of betrayal, of the Horseman’s own, Mr. Perfect (by this point he was Curt Henning to the world) slammed Ric Flair’s head in the steel cage door and cost the defeat and disbanding of the Horseman. The N.W.O. seemed damn near impossible, they held a clutch over WCW and they really made it seem like this was a place of panic, so wrestler was safe but in the shadows Sting lurked about to put fear in the fearless.

In the mean time, I would occasionally flip between WCW and WWF. There were some wrestlers that I would know by name and/or face but it seemed like it was the end of one era and the beginning of a new. It seemed to me that WWF couldn’t compete with WCW’s storyline about the drama of New World Order, so their storylines became racier, more aggressive, sexier and having no problem of using profanity. Stone Cold was the one we all loved to watch, we all wanted to see who he was going to give the old “stunner” to next – he even did it to Santa one time and then began to chug a beer. They had ladies in bra and panties matches, bizarre sexuality issues with Golddust (Dusty must be soooo proud), a fight between the boss and the employee and even some rather “racial” issues between groups of wrestlers such as the Nation of Domination, Degeneration X and a third group that I believe were called the “Disciples of the Apocalypse” – they appeared to be skin head bikers.

Finally, beneath all of the glitz and glam of multi-billion dollar stage productions, there was an underground hit that you would probably only know about from word of mouth. ECW was extreme hardcore wrestling. I saw performers do things to their bodies that I would have no idea could be possible. Falling through NUMEROUS tables, people on fire, jumping off of twenty feet high walls, etc, AND all the while the fans would treat this with the upmost respect. I would never see a man holding a suplex for about twenty seconds and get a standing ovation. Or an entire crowd to simultaneously utter “Holy Shit” over and over as they just saw someone fall through a ring. AND, they also had no problem letting you know that they knew the maneuver you were about to do and you didn’t do it correctly because you were still an amateur, “You fucked up, you fucked up!” And all the while using Joey Styles’ trademark “OH MY GODDDDDDDDD!” for the most devastating of hits, finishers and feats of wrestling majesty. Thus began the Monday Night Wars and the third Golden Age of Wrestling.

I felt like a little kid again and was able to relive my youth. By seeing Hulkster and rest of the heroes of days of old, I was opened up to back to the past – but a whole new era as well since I had never seen WCW wrestling (being that I was from up North and all, we never got TBS or were exposed to much of the Billionaire Ted’s rasslin’ group in WWF territory. I was exposed to not just the big heavy weights, but other divisions of cruiser weight as well and silly other belts such as “Television” and “United States” championship. If you ask me, it was just more belts to go around, but WCW offered me some interesting wrestling times that I’ll never forget. Like when Macho Man and Diamond Dallas Page had a Texas Death Match for what seemed like twenty minutes. The only way you won was to see who couldn’t stand up by the count of ten.

My friends in high school and family were also becoming over-whelming influence by the new wrestling craze. In school, I sat with a group of kids during lunch – yeah we were the biggest bunch of losers around. But there was one of us that stood out the most – John Bolland. John was a monster of a kid, he never talked much, always wore his jacket around and had a funny little wirey afro with a bald spot on top. I think he had some trust issues as it took him a while to begin to let you in to his private life. When he started to tell you how truly obsessed he was about wrestling - that he taped every house show and pay per view for the past few year; that he practically walked around with a Pro Wrestling Illustrated Magazine at all times (and occasionally the pocket sized reader’s digest version with a detailed list of the title belt changes over the past few years) or even his obsession of collecting the wrestling figures.

I think I was initially able to connect with John on this fact. By this point in my teenage nerdy years, I was previously equally obsessed with Star Wars memorabilia, in particular my Star Wars action figures and accessories. I still cherished all of my other older toys from the past, and was currently in the hunt of getting other old toys – but still bragged to John that I had all of my Hasbro WWF action figures and watched John’s eyes glaze over. Especially when I told him my brother owned the rather covenanted and rare Andre the Giant with “body slamming action.” On top of geeking out with my buddies at the lunch table, I rode the bus with John. Any questions I had for him about wrestling and what I had missed over the past few months / years – John could fill me in the storyline script to script. John was also the real guy that introduced me to ECW. He would give me tapes, fill me in on everything and he helped me really take a glimpse on the current wrestlers of WCW’s background in “Barb Wire City”.

And if I was getting back into wrestling, than my brother and father weren’t too far behind. We got WCW vs N.W.O. for the Nintendo 64 and we were addicted as all Hell playing as our favorite wrestlers. I Dad had some connections and he got us to matches and we were able to catch every major pay per view. It was actually pretty exciting seeing my father get back into wrestling again too. His words to me were, “You are always a wrestling fan – they’ll always find a way to get you sucked back in.” And just like his undying love and hatred for the NY Giants, he has many points throughout his years of stating “This sucks…I’m never watching this crap again,” to “Oh, guess what happened last night?!” But, I remember the real mayhem all started off with a trampoline….. my brother and I would have wrestling matches on it all the time. Lucky for me, I was making frequent visits to the gym and was roughly double the size of my brother. But he was still in football and quite the scrappy little chap, so he always gave me a run for my money. Our other siblings wanted to get involved, and it wasn’t before long that even my sisters were kicking the crap out of one another, wrestling with us – it was getting out of control. I know I was! I was probably the most testosterone pumped and hormone driven I ever was. I would head butt through doors, threw a butter knife through a door, choke slams and power bombs. It wasn’t until one day when I power bombed my sister Jackie over my knee by mistake that I saw her eyes roll back in her head. Or another time when I power bombed my then six-year-old sister Julie (aka Mankind) on a raft in the pool and I heard her neck snap back.

It wasn’t until too much later that similar stories of sibling violence imitating professional wrestling began to make the news due to serious injury or even death. Wrestling was beginning to be held accountable for their actions, and it became strike one for the third golden age. When WWF clearly labeled themselves as “sports entertainment” and even showing the beginning of each show that they are trained professionals and no one should try this at home. Well, hearing that only intrigued me more. I wanted to find out more about “sports entertainment,” I figured I wasn’t necessarily the strongest guy around. I could easily beat the Hell out of little children half and yes, even an eighth of my size. I wanted to know everything that I could about the real deal about wrestling, not just the televised stuff but the behind the scenes things. I wanted to know what it took to be a wrestler and would I be judged for getting really hit or faking an acting career. And in the real world, everyone in society was thinking – but is wrestling real or fake?

So returns John back into my life on the school bus. I would begin to ask him these questions and he would fill me in with as much as possible. There was a recent issue of PWI that was entirely dedicated to the inside and underground business of professional wrestling. I was introduced to the terms of face, heel, mark, juice, heat, gimmick, shoot and others. I knew somewhat of the business now and what it took. I really had a new set goal when I was about sixteen or seventeen – “I want to become a professional wrestler.” As I continued to gather information as much as I could and John and I went on our quest to see what it took, I idolized and truly looked up to two newer wrestlers – Mick Foley and Bill Goldberg.

Sure, say what you like about how cheesy, fake and gimmicky they were – but they had something in them at that point in my life that made me want to follow in their path. The first and most influential was Goldberg. During his initial run in WCW he was unstoppable. Destroying one enemy after another. With his patented spear, a suplex into a body slam finisher and this look of pure energy and animalism on his face after a match made you want to be as tough as him. I looked at Goldberg as a typical athlete that made the jump from football to wrestling – which kind of said to me that nearly anyone could do it. He was tough, could never do a great interview, but man – the fans went nuts for him whenever they slowly cheered his name as he was summoned the square circle. Goldberg was undefeated for a good number of opponents – I believe he was well over a hundred for a while and even won the belt from Hulk Hogan. But, unfortunately, no one can hold a belt forever and Goldberg’s reign was ended when Scott Hall snuck behind him and “tazed him with a cattle prod.” I was irate and a big love and faith in wrestling died that night for me. I felt cheated that they had to cheat to win (I was totally turning into a mark). For me, it was another strike in my love of wrestling that was slowly going down the drain.

Also around this time, probably one of the biggest stars in WWE was Mick Foley. I can remember first being introduced in the WWE to him as some psycho character that wears a mask that is almost a blend of Leatherface and Hannibal Lecter put together. He would maniacally scream and pull his hair out – what a weirdo. After awhile, he began to get the attentions of fans and would team up with Steve Austin making the two an awesome pair. He gained more fans and recognitions and began to get more silly interviews (along with his new dirty ‘ol friend Mr. Socko – which was an old dirty gym sock he would pull out from his pants and wear it around his hand like a cheap puppet act and then stuff it down your throat for a submission hold.) Over time, the fans wanted even MORE and MORE of Mick. He became several characters including himself, Mankind, Dude Love and the legendary Cactus Jack.

But what really got me into wanting to know more about him were these promos that they would shoot these promos of his rise to wrestling fame from a nobody jobber. Mick would talk about sleeping in a car so that he could attend wrestling school. He jumped off of his mom’s roof onto a pile of mattresses by imitating Superfly Jimmy Snuka. He was at first a jobber (a wrestler who primarily loses) but then would go around the Globe and do terrible things and injuries to his body. Hearing such legendary tales made me want to find the nearest wrestling school, practice more moves on my siblings and follow Mick’s rise to fame. But, I guess with every Mick Foley success story – there must be a thousand who have failed.

I will always remember the night when I saw Mick in a “Hell in the Cell” match against the Undertaker where my jaw would hardly stay shut from utter excitement and awe struck. For those unaware of the Hell in the Cell term, think about it as a steel cage match, but now fully enclosed on the top. Within this match I can remember the most hardcore images of all time. Such as Mick being choke slammed through the roof and onto a pile of thumbtacks and a chair below. The Undertaker hurling him off the top of the cage and landing on top of the Spanish commentator’s table sixteen feet below. He just kept getting up and coming in for more. Finally, it was when the Undertaker gave him a Tombstone pile drive on top of some tacks that the match was entirely over. Vince McMahon told Mick that he would never put his body on the line like that again. Over time, it was difficult for Mankind to out do himself – there was a silly attempt to come into the Royal Rumble as all three of his characters and another attempt with him in an “I Quit Match,” a feat he had never done in his career. Of course there was cheating and they used a recording of Mick saying it to win. I yet again felt cheated and turned into a mark – but I was getting down right disgusted with the sport.

I pretty much gave up watching it – but began to rethink more and more my choice of turning wrestling into a life long career choice. Sure the fame and excitement was excellent – but I could see the wrestlers my father’s age and what years of wrestling had done to them. How bad I felt that every time Macho Man did his patented elbow drop – he rolled around in pain and grabbed his knees. Was he acting? I don’t know, but I was seeing more and more wrestlers in their prime still duking it out and just looking down right sad. I feel society was also becoming more and more intrigued with the wrestling mania towards the end of the third Golden age. It probably hit it’s peak when it had a commercial on the Superbowl, but then must have spiked when Fox aired a television special about the tricks and secrets of wrestling. Just like it did in the 50’s – many people like myself lost some love. Not to mention, the accidental death of Owen Hart got me a bit jumpy about the profession.

Owen Hart was a man that worked so hard in hopes of retiring early – which seemed to me something that was never possible since some of the wrestlers from my childhood and my dad’s era, could still be seen backstage of scenes helping out with management and booking of shows. It seemed like you had to sell your soul forever. Then you had guys that were big years ago, but no one really cared about anymore. They were now doing “Legends of Wrestling” promotions where they would wrestle in high school gyms, sign autographs and make a quick buck to survive. Trust me! That is where I got my signed autograph from Greg “The Hammer” Valentine.

So, by the end of high school I guess I finally grew up. I gave up on the idea of becoming a professional wrestler since you seemed to have to wrestle until the day you died (which by that point more and more wrestlers of my youth were dropping dead due to “heart problems” no doubt from all the years of Roids abuse) or there was hardly no protection/benefits like a true job could give you. It was almost like working as a carnival strong man and travel the country three hundred fifty times a year. I ended up focusing more of my interests on art and I attended the School of Visual Arts in New York City. I had two students in my classes called Scott and Evan who seemed like hardcore wrestling freaks. They would randomly hit each other with chairs, throw each into walls or piles of garbage on the street and after it was all said and done – just laugh it off. I was too shy to go up to them and chat, so I decided to start just wearing my “E C F’N W” t-shirt to get their attention. One day Scott came up to me with a small photo of Sabu that he carried around with him everywhere. He asked if I knew who that was, I responded with the Sabu impersonation and pointed my finger to the air. I got to know them quite well and they even rode the train home with me back to Poughkeepsie where ECW had one of their final house shows. We yelled at Rhino and he spit on us and we freaked out when Mike Awesome “Awesome-bombed” his opponent – so awesome.

For the rest of college I had different classes and didn’t see them anymore. ECW lost their contrast with the MSG network so they were no longer on late at night – and it wasn’t too long thereafter that they went bankrupt and that was my official last viewing of wrestling. My dad would try to tell my brother and I about what he had recently seen on wrestling the night before but we were both officially done and just considered it kiddie stuff. The dream had died and I found my venue in the nerdier things in life again like comic books and Star Wars again. If I ever wanted to dapple in wrestling again, it was getting the newly released dvd’s of legendary matches and profiles of wrestlers I grew up with. Also, this past summer I saw that similar matches would be found on late night on ESPN when they showed old AWA wrestling. But it still wasn’t enough – it was like I was feeding a beast and it was needing more.

“You are always a wrestling fan – they’ll always find a way to get you sucked back in.” Those immortal words of my father will probably trickle down to my own son someday as he watches me geeking out. Here I am, nearly thirty and an on again / off again relationship with watching wrestling. One night I just decided upon myself to check out what this TNA wrestling was all about since WWE was still waaay too ridiculous and childish for me. I also thought I could bond more with my kids at school and be like, “Hey, did you see Super Eric last nigh?!” Watching the beginning of an episode reminded me of a guided tour of the DC Comics building that I had by legendary Batman writer Denny O’Neil who claimed the number one reason kids can’t get into comics because they had no idea where the story currently is or what / how extensive the continuities and histories some of these characters have. Well, TNA took care of all of that for me. They had a simple prologue to get me caught up into the story line, familiar characters such as Sting, Kurt Angle and Booker T that I remembered watching and some very entertaining new characters that brought back that silly childish fantasy of wrestling that I loved as a kid.

My fiancée and brother think it is sad and ridiculous that I am getting back into it. I doubt I will be as obsessive as I used to be – but it is still a nice place to escape to for a week. I guess that is why I still read comic books – I need that escapism for a while and journey into another world of fantasy, heroes and villains. Oh, and plus the girls are really hot when they beat the crap out of each other. I now feel more like my Grandfather who would watch G.L.O.W. (Glamorous Ladies Of Wrestling) with his hand down his pants. But I used to see female wrestling as cheesy and ridiculous girls running around in skimpy clothes trying to give the fanboys some cheap chubbies. But the ladies of TNA are amazing with their abilities – I’d say some of them, like the super skanky Old Dirty Bitch or the monstrous Awesome Kong are better or AT LEAST equal to some of the wrestlers I have seen in my day.

Well, so you have it. I have spilled my guts all over for a love of something so fake, while I hopefully educated some of you of it’s history, terms and my own personal connections to the business. I guess I always will be a wrestling fan and just have its ups and downs throughout it’s history. But I think I’m gonna get going now in order to watch last week’s taped show, but it just felt great reliving my youth through my notes and being able to write again.

The Star Wars Saga (or how I watched every Star Wars film in 15 hours) a movie review

We came, we saw - we kicked it's ASS! Ah yes, it felt so accomplished that I did such a feat yesterday when I watched the entire Star Wars saga back to back to back. My initial planning came about this when I heard of the prequels coming about years ago, and with each commentary on the DVD it could be heard in Lucas' voice on how he someday hopeed fans would appreciate all six of the films out. Cause he accredits it as not being six tiny lil films, but one really big film. It's all about the rise, fall and redemption of Anakin Skywalker and his quest for power and what consequences came with it to have his soul saved But the films also have this similar touch of 'timeless storytelling" by borrowing aspects/stories and events all throughtou history, legends/myths, literature and film; Lucas took the films and serials that he loved as a kid and applied every sorta lil hint to all of the Star Wars films. Hardcore fans will notice all of the cross genres of other films and literature in the Saga, from Akira Kurosawa's samurai films, The Wizard of Oz, Pirate movies, Faust, Frankenstein , Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers serials and comic strips, Han Solo being that gunslinger hero of the Westerns, WWII dog fights news reels (in fact the X-Wing fighter pilot costume is the British WWII fighter pilot uniform with a few accessories attached), The Legend of King Arthur, The Birth of Jesus Christ, The Roman Empire, Film Noir Detective aspects, Sergio Leone's bounty hunter of The Man With No Name is Boba Fett, the vile underworld crime boss of gangster films is Jabba the Hutt, Emporer Palpatine looking at all fo the destruction from his New Death Star is like the Gods of Olympus examining all of the mortals' actions, The Mos Eisley Cantina is Rick's Place from Casablanca and A WHOLE LOT MORE!

So my judgement call Were all of the films together one giant "Star Wars" film? In my humble dork opinion - I'd say def not. I'm prob the biggest Star Wars geek that I know, and despite the fact that I watched each one of these films one after the other (excluding an hour and half break I took between Ep. II and III when I hadda get my car at Magnus', run to the post office and wait on the longest line and then dash home to make some spaghettios. But despite the fact that I watched them all one after another, I'd have to say that they are 2 Different Trilogies that together make up one story and both take place in the same galaxy, but I felt that I-III were that different feeling of IV-VI.

I guess the one main decision factor to make my choice was the Digital Age. With the majority of the prequels, Lucas gave up on his old ways and just decided, "fuck it- just make it up on a computer for me." and so they did. THe computer effects alone since Episode II (making it the first Digital Film ever) transcended the market and in the tradition of the Star Wars film, again changed the ways films were made. No longer did Lucas have to heavily rely on stop motion miniatures, puppets, plasticated sets and costumes or men in rubber masks - he just made it up on the computer. Well, Episode I did have some usage of puppets (such as Yoda) back then the computer effects JUST weren't were they needed to be. But afterwards, he's gone mad I tell ya. IN FACT, the animatics of the films of today were the finest computer graphics of twenty years ago. (For those of you who don't know what an animatic is, it's pretty much taking the storyboards for a film and plotting/acting them out to see how things will look when the more finalizing stages will come about) Anybody remember the hit 80's computer film Tron? Well, the finest graphics that Tron offered are now considered the sub par of today's animatics - so you can see how far we come and the computer graphics are ever changing every day with newer programs, faster processing speeds and more geeks willing to do more.

Aside from the digital age, the other major changing factor that I couldn't get over between the two sets was the actors and the acting. Okay, so Lucas just HAD TO direct all of his prequels, so that means the more classic films had better and different techniques to get out of their actors during Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. SO I've really been feeling Hayden Christiansen's over the top acting as of late, Samuel L and his purple lightsaber, the very sexy Natalie and the very cool Ewan McGregor. But I look at the classics and besides always rooting for Han Solo, my mind can only wonder on such things of "what ever happened to Billy Dee Williams ("Lando's not a system - he's a man") and Carrie Fisher?" And we all know that Marc Hamil went on to do the voice of the Joker on all of the Batman cartoons, but he was pretty much type casted after the trilogy.

But overall, I did really enjoy my dorky expereince. It started at 6:20 yesterday morning and I ended it at 9:30 last night. I've got my dork bragging rights, but I have no prob admitting to you how physically drained I was after just sitting on the couch all of that time analyzing and watching the films - nitpicking and examining every aspect to see if they would def look as one big film (which I believe is what the LOTR have absolutly no prob doing) two sets of three films or six tiny 2 hour films. I collected all of my mental data and I've give you all my theory/opinion at the top of the blog. But here is all of my supporting evidence (to primarily go along with the Digital Age/Different Acting Groups differential that I was speaking about)

A)Mr. Lucas has done everything that he could do that when he was making his prequels that he could to get them "hooked up" with his classical trilogy he'd made some generation earlier. I'd say his primary cause was inserting witty dialogue, sayings/suggestions and occurances that would trickle themselves all throughout the trilogy. Some people may accuse his actions of being cheap and reusing the same bits/techniques he'd done so well with 20 years ago. But we all know how he is trying to milk us dorks for every nickel and dime we got. So he threw in a lot of lil inside jokes to say and some things that the real fans would get and appreciate to help tie up all of the films for us. I'd primarily seen this by having one character say something in the prequels, which another character would same the thing int he sequels. He admits sometimes doing it for a joke and sometimes it makes a universal flow of continiity between all of the films that kinda makes this universal trickling flow of time through it all and still has that sense of 'timeless storytelling".There are also two common elements in each of the films: We'll always have someone to say, "I've got a bad feeling about this," and each film opens up with a space ship flying across the screen directly after the crawling Star Wars chapter text.; But;here is a list of those other occurances that I can think of off the top of my head:

I-

1)Qui Gon Jin trying to apply the "old Jedi mind trick"; we were always treated how well it worked on weak minded fools. Now all of that is thrown out of the window and we get a good lil laugh from Watto who says, "Mind tricks don't work on me, only money."

2)Anakin racing during the pod race of Boonta's Eve races through Beggar's Canyon. During Episode IV, Luke is in the war room and sitting next to Wedge whom complains about hitting the target on the Death Star is too small. Luke replies, "I used to hit Womp Rats in Beggar's Canyon in my T-16 back home - they can't be no more than five meters wide."

3)The Tusken Raider atop on the ledge trying to shoot any passing by pod racers and shooting at them, well that's the first thing we see of the Tusken Raiders in Episode IV when they're trying to shoot Luke as he's traveling by in his landspeeder in the Jundland Wastes.

4) When the boys first arrive in Mos Eisley, Qui Gon gives the similar speech that Obi-Wan gives Luke when they first arrive in Episode IV and say "Mos Eisley space port - you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

5)Even though it's a cut scene, a very young Greedo is suppossed to have a cameo int he film.; Anakin crosses him and basically warns him of his dirty deeds and to foreshadow him being greased by Han Solo at the Cantina in Episode IV.

6)C-3P0 mutters something about space travel about how he's never done it before, but in all of the other films he's always complaining about it.

7)Guerrilla Gungan Warfare is just hwo the Ewoks beat the baddies in part VI.

II-

1)The scene at the bar has a few connections: We first off have Obi-Wan pulling the mind trick on the guy trying to sell him Star Wars cigarettes.We also have his quick Saber slinging skills that he does against Ponda Baba and Doctor Evazan ("we're wanted men-we have the death sentence on twelve systems...") inside the Cantina of Episode IV after the two guys are clearly showing how much they don't like Luke.

2) How Anakin loses his right hand because of his hot headed stubborness is just how Luke loses his right hand when not listening to Obi-Wan and Yoda's pleas during Episode V when he dashes off to face Vader. And it comes back again when he's fighting Vader during part VI and sees Vaders' right hand chopped off again and sees the smoldering wires. He knows he's a step closer to the dark side with each piece of humantiy he loses off of him.

3)Foreshadowing of Anakin turning into machine as his right hand is sealed inside the metal plate at the Geonosis droid makign factory.

4)On Kamino as the Fetts are trying to fly away, Jango runs into the back of the ship as the door of the Slave I is closing in on him. Well, Jango hits his head on the top and continues to run in. This was purposely done because there is a scene in Episode IV when a bunch of stormtroopers are trying to enter the room on the Death Star that the droids had selaed themselves off in. Well, one of the stormtroopers hits his head as the door is opening because he is too tall. And this scene has become such a cult hit, that through the various re-releases, they have now accented that sound effect when he hits his head on the door. And of course we all know that storm troopers are clones of Jango Fett and apparently there is a door hitting gene in him that Lucas had to do lol. Yes I know how extremely dorky this is, but you gotta ask yourself - "who's more the dorkier, the dork or the dork who insists a scene be created based on a film blooper his extra did 20 years ago"

5)Jet packing into trouble. A malfunctioning back pack gets Jango into trouble twice during this film once on Kamino and the other when the rhino creature runs him over on Geonosis. The malfunctioning back pack of Boba Fett when Han Solo accidentally hits it with a staff during part VI on Jabba's skiff in the Dune Sea is why he falls to his death into the Sarlacc monster where "he'll surely be digested over a 1,000 years"

6)Fetts are being pursued by Ob-Wan in the asteroid field and they think they killed off Obi-Wan, but he really parked his Jedi Starfighter on the back of an asteroid. This same bit is done in Empire Strikes Back when Solo parks the Millenium Falcon on the back of the Star Destroyer. When the Destroyer dumps all of it's garbage prior to light speed, Solo floats away with the trash. Boba Fett is able to hunt him down and follow him to Bespin only because he'd seen this trick before with his father.

7)Count Dooku has to save the Death Star plans, well we all know how big the Death Star plays; a bit part in the classic trilogy.

8)Thank the Maker! C-3P0 always says this in the classic trilogy, but it's not until we see Anakin and 3P0 see one anotehr for the first time again when they're reunited on Tatooine. 3P0 says, "The Maker!" so for now one whenever we hear the droid proclain his maker's greatness, he's unknownilgly blessing Darth Vader ;)

9)The Lars estate set was reconstructed for this film. We have the dining/kitchen area that we see in Part IV (along with Aunt Beru's blue milk) and we also see the garage area where Luke first discover's the holographic Leia message inside of R2.

10)Yet again 3P0 mutters something about space travel, but funny how much he hates it by the classic trilogy even though he had his mind erased by the end of III ;)

11)When Anakin and Obi-Wan enter the bar on Coruscant, Obi asks him, "why do I have the feeling you'll be the death of me?" Which is true when Anakin chops down in the old bastard in part IV.

12)Amidala's hair do at the fireplace in her bondage outfit his reminsicent to her daughter's in part IV.

13)The Clone's walkers are synominious with more advanced AT-AT's in Empire. The same goes for the Star Destroyers that you see fly off are just the lesser advanced Star Destroyers and Super Star Destroyers in the other classic trilogy.

III

1)"Your father was the best space pilot..." Obi Wan telling Luke about hsi father's actions during the Clone Wars in part IV are clearly seen right at the beg of this film;

2)Reconstruction of the Emporer's throne room in Part VI is seen where Palpatine is held captive on Grievious' ship. Palpatine is even sitting in the same chair as he slowly spins around to see Anakin adn Obi.

3)Palpatine tells Anakin to kill Dooku just like the Emporer urges Luke to "strike him down" in part VI.

4)Grievious breathing is just like how Vader breathes with his new appartus in the classic trilogy

5)Even though it was all cut, there was a whole sub plot about the Rebellion being born the same time that the Empire was. Mon Mothma was one of the main people behind it, and she was a main character in part VI as she was trying to destroy the second death star. "Many Bothan spies lost their lives delivering this information..."

6)When Palpatine first tells Anakin of his knowledge of the dark side, he senses how much Anakin wants to kill him. This is just how Palpatine treats Luke aboard his throne room in Part VI.

7)When Mace Windu is shocked and you can briefly see his skeleton, well that's the same of Vader getting shocked on part VI and you see his skeleton by the Emporer as well.

8)Amidala says, "I shouldn't have come," Luke says the same thing in part VI while he rides the Shuttle Tyderian with his friends and says, "I shouldn't have come, I'm endangering the mission."

9)As Amidala is dying, she mutters to Obi Wan "there is still good in him," again Luke says this line a few times to both Vader and Leia along the lines of "there's still good in you, I can sense the conflict."

10)Even though it was cut, there was suppossed to show a scene of Yoda escaping to Dagobah in his lil shuttle.

11)Reconstruction of the Tantive IV set - the rebel blokade runner is used by Bail Organa in this film, but it's Leia's ship at the beginning of part IV when it gets raided by Vader and "Vader's Fist" as they're searching for the death star plans.

12)Bail giving the droids over to Captain Antilles which is why c-3P0 talks about, "I don't know what he's talking about Master Luke, our last master was Captain Antilles," Which I can totally understand as far as the movies go but this whole thing would prob throw out the entire Droids animated series out of the window. THe droids cartoon was all about the adventures of C-3P0 and R2, 15 years before part IV. So unless they're saying they were giving to Captain Antilles, then 5 years later went from one various master to the next only to arrive back to Captain Antilles where they were mind wiped again?! Rubbish I say.

13)When Obi-Wan first appears on Grievious and crew at Utapau he says, "hello there," this goes along with Obi Wan first seeing R2 in the Jundland Wastes during part IV and he says, "Hello there, come here my little friend...oh he'll be alright."

14)When Obi-Wan gets done shooting Grievious to death he says, "how uncivilized," that's because he is trying to explain to Luke during part IV when he talks about the lightsaber being meant for a more civilized age.

15)Vader chopping off Mace Windu's hand at Palpatine's place is just like Luke lossing his hand at Bespin in Part V.

16)When Yoda is grabbing his chest feeling all of the Jedi die is just what Obi Wan does after Alderann blows up in Part IV and he says, "it's as if a hunderd voice cried out in terror and were suddenly ceased."

17)Reconstuction of the Star Destroyer set at the end of this film, this is pretty much the same set you'll see in part V which Vader likes to cruise around in called "the Executor" ;)

18)Cameo by Grand Moff Tarkin, at the end of the film - Palpatine and Vader are looking over the progress of teh Death Star. A funny looking guy walks over to them, and walks away. In part IV, Tarkin plays the quintessintial bad guy in the film who is all about harassing Leia and and just itching to blew up something with his new toy. Which Leia responds "Moff Tarkin, I thought I noticed your foul stench when I was brought aboard."

19)THe main ships that the Jedi and Clones primarily fly around in will eventually evolve into T.I.E fighters and X-Wings into the classic trilogy.

20)The Wookies swinging on vines and yelling like Tarzan on Kashyyk is the same thing that Chewbacca does during the Battle of Endor in part VI.

21)Obi storing himself aboard Amidala's ship is the same idea he has getting himself smuggled aboard on the Millenium Falcon in Part IV just before the ship is tractor beamed inside the Death Star. "They are alternatives to fighting"

22)Anakin proposes to Padme about conjoining themselves to rule the galaxy with his newfound power. Anakin does the same thing to Luke during episode V when he says, "we can rule the galaxy as father and son and end this bitter conflict."

23)Padme's hair right at the beginning of the film is again is a direct tribute to the Leia bun's in part IV.

IF ANYONE ELSE CAN THINK OF ANY OTHER OCCURANCES, PLEASE LET ME KNOW SO THAT THEY CAN BE POSTED HERE!

B)Mr. Lucas then had to adjust everything he did with the prequels to better meet up with his sequels that he made originally. SO on top of just re-editing and releasing the Special Editions to the original trilogy during the late 90's - he again changed around some things in his films to match up better with things he was saying in the prequels. But there are things that not even the special editing programs can fix, plot holes to say that no matter how you look at them - there's something fishy here. My theory is that Lucas never had this whole story planned out. I think he just wanted to milk us (the fans) even more by creating the prequels. Granted, I'm very thankful to get an insight into a time even "longer" ago to see the times of the old Republic and the ways of the Jedi, but I think this whole Anakin transcendance thing is full of shit. I'd heard rumors during while they made Empire Strikes Back, that the man inside the Vader costume (David Prowse) initially told Luke that "Ben is your father!" Not Vader, and it was still Luke's expression captured on film. But there is no clear written evidence, even in the initial shootting script for Empire, this whole piece of dialogue is omitted for secrecy purposes. Makign Vader the father makes it more gripping, but I just don't think Lucas had this all laid out like he says; I've read his original Star Wars script (and it was even a few drafts before final final completion) and there is def some dif things going on in here that don't match up with his story.

So it's these lil plot holes that all he can connect to is that when Luke accuses Ben to lying to him during part VI, Obi just says, "well, from a certain point of view." He totally changes the subject and tries to lay out what he can for us.I believe it's all consiparcy if you ask me.So that when we were treated to Episode I, more questions popped up.Why does Obi tell Luke to find Yoda, "he was the Jedi master who trained me," whereas it was really Qui-Gon? Well Lucas covered his tracks there to say Yoda trained everyone. But if Qui-Gon had found the secret of immortatlity, why couldn't he just train Luke as a ghost like he trained Obi-Wan to also find the secret of immortality betwen Episodes III and IV?! Or how's about when Luke asks about his father initially, Obi tells him that "when I first met your father, he was a space freighter," or something like that. Why not just say, well he was a lil kid my master wanted to train. Is that also from a certain point of view?! And now I have my new droid rant, like Lucas just HAD TO throw that in that 3P0 needs his mind wiped. So that should prob throw the animated series out the window as well. And if so - I want my money back for buying that 10 dollar dvd at Wal-Mart :( lol Or why does Leia say in her initial hologram, "you served my father during the Clone Wars..." Obi Wan didn't pull that shit, he was workign for the Jedi Council and Organa only gave him a suggestion not to go there or he'd die - c'mon now; OR how's about how the Hell does Leai remember so much about her mother if mom died about 1 minute after she was born?! "She was sad...."

Well, now that my rant is done with that, let us focus now on the numerous adjustments that Lucas had to pull off during his DVD release of the classic trilogy which would link up with his sequels and have a closer "visual" connecting piece (and sometimes that the computer technology of the later 90's couldn't have done what they do now) between all of them now:

IV

1)Jabba has been re-reanimted much better than his first special edition relase and now looks closer to a blend between the Jabba we see during Episode I and the Jabba we see in Episode VI.

2)The Lightsabers have been re-fixed,shaped and re-lit a bit better to look closer to the original lightsabers in the prequels.

3)The animation of Luke's landspeeder with the crew riding back enters a lot better now into Mos Eisley.

4)Okay Han Solo vs. Greedo at the Cantina, "Yes - I bet you have!" Yes, you have seen this scene altered a bit through history with much dispute. Even Holden gets into it during Jay and Silent Bob strikes back. So let's retrace this scene through history:

i)In 1977, Greedo confronts Han and Han shoots him first. Which sets Solo up for a dirty ice pirate and has no problem being treacherous and immoral. Which makes him all the more better at the end of the film because he cares for Luke enough to forget the bounty on his head, and save his freind from peril.

ii)In the 1997 Special Edition release, even though Greedo's gun is directly pointed at Solo he fires his gun FIRST which bounces off at an angle. Then they use some shotty special effects at the time to computer-wise shift Han's head off to the right and then fire SECOND at Greedo. Now we no longer have that aspect of Han being dirty, but lucky (cause in my expereience there's no such thing as luck)

iii)FINALLY at the DVD release of the Special Edition, Greedo now fires just a HAIR BEFORE Han and again Han shoots SECOND. But now they've changed the unnaturual head nudge away from a laser shot, and they digitally shift his whole upper body away from the blast instead.

5)When Obi Wan is de-activating the tractor beam on the Death Star, it used to say the words "Power" and "Tractor Beam" on the label and it was the only time you could see English in the Star Wars films. But they don't use English in this Galaxy, so the proper Star Wars language (which is called Aurebesh)was put in it's place.

6)The Dianogah (yeah, that slippery tentacle thing in the garbage compactor on the Death Star) well it doesn't so much look like just a persecope with an eye attached on the front, but more like a quick moving sleak beast now.

7)Obi imitating the dreaded Krayt Dragon (you hardcore dorks will notice the skeleton of one when C-3P0 and R2 are shuffling out of their esacpe pod through the desert. Now, they have re-dubbed Obi imitating the dragon because the other recordigns sounded too much like a Dewback (those lizard things the stormtroopers rode on to look for the droids, y'know "Look sir, droids." )

V

1)When Vader initially wants to talk to the Emporer via the hologram, there's this really cheesy looking Emporer with a lot of plastic on his eyes and sounds like a voice actor of Scrapper (Clive Revell)from the Transformers. The original was played by a woman, and they thought she wasn't creepy enough so they super imposed these like chimpanzee eyes on her. Well, now it's been reshot using Ian McDirmind (who plays the Emporer in all of the other films besides part IV) and this is also where Palpatine informs Vader of his son being the one to blow up the Death Star. If you ever wanted that info before, you hadda get this cool Dark Horse Star Wars comic that tells you about how Vader captured this X-Wing pilot to get that info out of him and then Vader's Quest to find Luke.

2)All of Boba Fett's lines (which were initially supplied by Jason Wingreen) are now re-dubbed by Temeura Morrison to match up with Jango Fett's and have a constant flow of continuity between them. Personally, I prefered Boba's old kinda raspy and dying voice better

3)Luke no longer screams as he plummets down through the middle of Bespin. He does scream when he gets his hand cut off, but now he plummets with dignity into the bottomless abyss of Bespin and away from Vader.

4)At the end of the film when Vader is meeting up with his Imperial dignitaries, in all previous versions their insignias where on the wrong side of their unifroms. Well, now THANK GOD that Lucas adjusted to better fit our continuity problems - geez

VI-

1)Sebastian Shaw, who plays the much older Anakin when Vader requests to see Luke "with my own eyes," Sebastian looks much more pale and his eyebrows have been digitally erased since Anakin turned into a blackened marshmellow by the time of Episode III ended. They also digitally colored Shaw's eyes to match up with Hayden's.

2) In the Special Edition, they got rid of the hilarious Ewok song and now it's a more peaceful kinda. There are various shots across the universe of everyone celebrating the death of the emporer. The new one added to tie in with the prequels was Naboo, and you can hear a gunga (possiably Jar Jar?) saying "weesa free!"

3)When Luke sees the astral force forms of the old Masters Yoda and Obi Wan, actor Shaw is suppossed to appear as well. But he's now been replaced by Hayden just before his fight with Obi-Wan took place. Which makes sense that he should be honored before he went to the Dark Side, but whose to say Luke has ANY idea who that is next to Obi- Wan lol.

4)Also during the celebration of the planets, the shots of Coruscant had been re-edited to now feature the Galatic Senate and Jedi Temple buildings in the background of shots.

And so, that is it for me. I'd like to give a very special thanks to my friends and family that tried to stick it out with me throughout the marathon. Especially to my sister Jolene whom not only told me that Return of the Jedi was her favorite, but she only didn't sit through Empire or the first 30 min's of Jedi - so Kudos to you Jolene!

And if you think this is the end, then you are wrong folks. I will be doing this agian, but more planned and with more people. I will also be inserting the Clone Wars animated series (because it too has lines and visuals that play throughout the saga), the animated piece of the Star Wars holiday special when Luke and the gang first meet Boba Fett and perhaps even the Ewoks films: Caravan of Courage and The Battle Of Endor

Thanks to everyone for participating, and May the Force be with you all -

Always.......

Your Dork Knight,

Bo

Judge Dredd, the most under rated super hero film of all time (movie review)

James "Bo" Gorcesky

Judge Dredd movie review

December 22, 2007

The Most Underrated Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi/Comic Book Film

Of All Time: Judge Dredd

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Why Judge Dredd is considered such an underrated cult comic book film to me? Well, first off let me stack it up against other cult comic book inspired films out there that can come to my mind: Flash Gordon, Conan the Barbarian, Daredevil, The Fantastic Four (the unreleased 1994 version), Howard the Duck, Superman III – what is one thing they all have in common? They primarily all had mixed reviews by the critics and the common fan base, they all had fairly weak box office sales, but most importantly, there were just a small element or two that caused the true die hard fans to create a cult following of that film. I am surprised to talk to some fans and would dare to utter such words as, "Oh c'mon, Daredevil wasn't that bad." Or, "Man, I can't wait for the unrated special collector's edition of Howard the Duck on high-def DVD!" But as these fans grow older, they are gathering in numbers on the internet and creating petitions to get their favorite films back out of film limbo, or are actually making the decisions in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Hollywood to turn their favorite properties into movie franchises.

With that being said, and some of our other favorite cult films out of the way, I'd like the rest of this article to focus on the 1995's Judge Dredd directed by Danny Cannon and starring Sylvester Stallone, Diane Lane, Rob Schnieder and the legendary Max "please stop calling me Ming the Merciless" Von Sydow. Considering that this film was released by Walt Disney pictures, and was rated R (for what I am guessing is extremely ridiculous scenes of violence,) which probably hurt it's initial release. More often than not, you try to find a happy medium with the comic book fans with a PG-13 rating, so that way you can have some sexy stuff and some violence, but with some fun stuff for the kiddies as well. But Dredd, much like it's action packed Von Sydow predecessor Conan the Barbarian (which was also rated R and also brought to the screen thanks to Edward R. Pressman) will doom it's box office sales as too risqué.

The film did stir up enough excitement and reviews amongst the Sci-Fi fan base, as it was nominated for several Saturn Awards for it's excellent costume and makeup work. Which, I must say, I really like comic book films that make it look like they took a panel from a book and made it come to life like an Alex Ross painting. The Judge Dredd costume looks highly authentic to the pictures in the books, and you could almost feel the cheesy plastic on their helmets. But only using some eye catchy makeup and costume design work (that sometimes makes some of the costumes look like it came out of Masters of the Universe mixed with a Imperial Storm trooper) does not gratify enough success. Some might feel a similar connection to another cult Von Sydow film, Flash Gordon which was also praised for it's set and costume design, but hugely failed in the writing and acting department. But aside from the eye candy featurettes, the post apocalyptic city is just enough to get a few ooh's and aah's out of people and will shortly thereafter begin to chuckle at Stallone's cheesy one liners (I knew you'd say dat.)

Ah yes, Stallone. How fitting that the crooked lipped action hero should play a cop in the future – he has played a cop in nearly every other genre so far. How many films can you think of where Stallone has played a cop? I'll give you a few seconds then I'll just shoot off from memory………

Nighthawks

Cop Land

Demolition Man

Tango & Cash

Cobra

D-Tox

Daylight

Stop! Or my mom will shoot

Talk about being type cast right? Actually, Stallone's acting and tight lipped one liners and total devoid of humanity in his role as Judge Dredd earned him a Razzi Award for worst actor (a rather prestigious account since he was simultaneously nominated for worst actor in Assassins for the same year). But where Stallone fails, he has his much more sympathetic partner and romance Judge Hershey (played by Diane Lane) and Dredd's kooky and streetwise sidekick and comedy relief Rob Schneider. Oh, but do we need to mention that the villain in the film is the psychotic (and also a cloned twin brother) of Judge Dredd – RICO! Just hearing Stallone say "Rico" in his crooked lipped way is hilarious. With the aid of some dazzling sparkling blue matching contacts and oozing super Italian charm, Hollywood decided that Armand Assante would be the best choice for a Bizarro Judge Dredd.

Now that the acting is out of the way, let us try to focus on the story. The film itself underwent several changes. Stallone was such a spoiled little brat that kept demanding changes; supposedly the original shooting script and the finished product are two entirely separate entities. But to get to his roots, Judge Dredd is based on a late 70's action hero that was initially published in Britain in the book 2000 AD. In a desolate world, there is too much violence and crime, so society created "Judges" members that upheld THE LAW as Judge, Jury and rarely as Executioner. Their world is in a post apocalyptic setting, as much has been destroyed from nuclear bombings and Judgment day. Most of the world is covered in desolate wastelands, while others have come together to create huge towering mega-oplis called Mega City 1 (which stretches from about Baltimore to Charlotte). In a land without law, only the few represent the law – like Judge Joseph Dredd.

SO that is the world as to what the comic book showcases, and the film is pretty close adaptation to it as well. The film is also pretty accurate on visualizing a 3-D world that is based from a 2-D medium. Many of the supporting characters have been brought to the screen, and I personally feel that the art department did an OUTSTANDING job of bringing some of those things to life to look just like the comic book. I feel that too often when there is a film adaptation of a comic book, costume designers and the rest of the art department try to go for this plush leather or art nouveux look (think of your initial response to the costume work in X-Men).

But what they did do successfully adapting was the visuals, but not the methodology of the world or the personalities of many of the characters. For example, in the comic book, Judge Dredd has only removed his helmet twice (within thirty years of comic book continuity), and in the book, his face is still censored. And from the look of people that see "old stony face's" appearance, are normally appalled with disgust. In the film, we see Dredd's face for a huge chunk of the film. Which is a constant dispute and cause of disruptions in Hollywood with, "but we need to see the actor's face to convey emotions to the audience. They can't think for themselves! We need to tell them what to think and how to feel based on the portrayal of our leads." Okay, my tirade is over. Actually, did you know that the role of Judge Dredd was initially offered to Arnold Schwarzenegger but he turned it down because he didn't like the idea that his face would be covered through out the whole film. Which would then cause Stallone to step in, demand all of the numerous changes to the script, and that is probably why you see Dredd "helmetless" throughout a majority of the film.

Secondly, it is FORBIDDEN for Judges to embrace a romantic relationship. Figure, this way they could focus solely on their work, not on the lives of others. Judges are also conditioned to be devoid of romance at an early age and also of corruption. Which also helps to play into the universal irony on our own government which the Dredd books frequently poke at. Yes, there is a lot of ironic humor abound in the Dredd books, and if you are a political weirdo, then it may be the book for you. So, when Dredd starts up with this lovely relationship with Hershey, they again break the rules of the Dredd mythos. What he shoulda done after he saved her was pull a lil Jack Burton on her and ride off into the sunset.

Well, I guess I have nothing else to offer for this film review. Again, like I said, I feel that Judge Dredd is an under rated action/sci-fi/comic book film. There have been a LOT worse (cough cough, the Hulk cough cough Fantastic Four series) but don't let Stallone's tight faced expressions and cheesy one liners bring ya down – embrace them! "I knew you'd say dat" Stallone is pretty bad ass in this movie, and it is probably my favorite of his cop portrayals. And just imagine if we could all ban together, we could get a petition together and get a special edition of this DVD out to the world of the underground cult comic book fans! So…who's with me?!